Recently, several people have said that they didn’t think I like rought kink or BDSM pain play. WOAH! That’s really good feedback and I realized I haven’t done a blog post about being a lifestyle Mistress who loves painful BDSM play. Not with every person and not all the time but I’ll happily call myself a sensual sadist with the right circumstances and person. What does that mean for you?
BDSM: pleasure and pain
I do a podcast with Ms Erika called The Weekly Hot Spot. There is a series of episodes about pain and pleasure: Ms Erika and I have a great time; there are stories and laughter. There are also serious conversations and BDSM education about kink.
- BDSM: Are you surprised we to be a sensual sadist?
- BDSM: Is pain necessary to train a sissy?
- BDSM: Pain play and how to not leave marks.
Femdom phone sex and real BDsm
While the phone sex is billed as fantasy, the BDsm experience is very real. If you’re submissive, pain play can increase your submission AND make your pleasure more intense. I was just talking with someone who said he was convinced he didn’t want anything to do with ballbusting until he tried it. Now, he says the pain gives him an incredible explosive orgasm!
Experience matters with BDSM pain play
It should matter to you that your Mistress has real life fetish experience. Intense BDSM is high-level fetish play. There will be a conversation before we dive right in. I’ll want to know your experience, limits, privacy concerns, health issues and more. Ms Delia was the host of The Weekly Hot Spot before Ms Erika. Take a listen to this podcast titled: Submissive Guide to Rough Kink.
In my world, Mistress does not mean bitch. During a scene, the play can and does look like Mistress is being mean but after the scene there’s a reconnection and an affirmation that the players are close. Now, this only works well when the players mutually agree on what is a scene, when to play, how to play and how to behave after the scenes.
Consent also includes Mistress
There are some people who simply want to be abused, controlled or whatever 24/7 and I’m not a match for that person. That’s not how I am or how I play. A huge part of my personal fetish journey has been to learn/say my own limits, be gracious about explaining them and then learn what to do with people who keep trying to push my limits.
Remember, you don’t need to be submissive to enjoy pleasure and pain. I actually like to be topped for sensation play and I’m sure not submissive.
Rough play I enjoy:
There are all kinds of things to consider with BDSM. Each person is different, each Mistress has her own ways to play, and each relationship is unique. That said, here are a couple pain ideas that I like. If it’s not on the list, ask me!
- CBT: cock and ball torment: ball slapping, tying, weights, parachutes, etc.
- urethral sounding
- nipple torment
- self bondage
- impact play: spanking, caning and wipping.
- DIY items for kinky play – also called pervertables – wooden spoon, clothespins, chip clips, and more
- figging and other anal play
- intense cock control
- long term chastity
Self knowledge and BDSM
I enjoy adult/adult relationships outside of scenes. I am not a fan of manipulative neediness or insecurity as a way to get more of my outside session time. It’s been a journey and this has been one of the biggest lessons for me and has helped me grow as a Domme.
Tell me about your journey and your own lessons in self knowledge.
Ooooo…. having just had a pain play session, i need to coalesce my thoughts to comment on this blog post……
Ahhhhh I like the sound of that!
Did you listen to The Weekly Hot Spot episodes on pain play?
We have a couple on ROPE and BONDAGE coming up!
Of course i listened to it. I don’t miss any anymore.
Sometimes i think about not listening to the sissy content. Except i have learned there is usually some tidbit a service submissive can take away from those podcasts too.
Ms Erika and I both LOVE that you listen to all of the podcast! We actually thought about splitting the podcast into 2 and having one that is only sissy and feminization but honestly I often scramble to keep up with THIS one so we put the kabosh on that idea.
You just WAIT to hear the guests we have coming up … rope / bondage Mistress and Brittany from The Dungeon Store.
WOW THESE LADIES !!!
This is a wonderful post! As you know, I as well have learned a lot about this recently also AND about myself by chatting with you, talking about different types of pain play, and even trying things out that I didn’t think I liked at first (like stress positions) but in fact I enjoy now! That appears to be very common. I ESPECIALLY enjoy learning more about YOU and what you like and don’t like in pain play. It allows me to focus on YOU with my suffering and at the same time allowget the most enjoyment out of our time together. I simply adore being trained and molded to your liking. That for me is a huge turn on – suffering for you in exactly the way you intend it. Mmmm. Now I want desperately to try every single thing on your list!! Bring it on! (AFTER we talk about it, of course, unless we already have) ????
What I like most is the interaction between us — the creativity and the fun — I cherish that way more than particular techniques. So, it’s less about “what I like” in terms of activity and more about the dynamic between the two of us. That might be just the difference between male and female — I am more interested in the connection, relationship and dynamics. THAT is my happy place. And when that is there the actions or toys matter a whole lot less — I love pretty much all kinds of intense play with the exception of a bull whip and that’s just because I’ve never mastered that technique.
Suffering is fun isn’t it?
I suspect there might be funishment and suffering in your future.
Dear Ms Olivia, Thank you for this blog. LDW followers may tend to see you as being witty, charming, intelligent, and (very!) sexy and feminine, and, yes, all of that is true. However, I can certainly testify to the fact that you are also STRONG and VERY VERY TOUGH! That means that you can certainly inflict severe pain when necessary. Perhaps you should write a blog about your martial arts and self-defence skills. That might give some of your readers a more balanced view of your abilities. You’re perfectly capable of putting a man literally flat on his back and/or knocking him out cold!
Do you also listen to the BDSM kink podcast I do with Ms Erika? It’s The Weekly Hot Spot podcast.
I realized that I joke and laugh on the podcast in amongst the serious or educational things. I think that throws some people off but then I remind them that there’s a difference between out of session communication and in session or scene play.
You of course, will likely always get the judo flip no matter what the circumstances simply because I like tossing you down the basement stairs.
Well, Ms Olivia, I’m pleased that you enjoy tossing me ‘down the basement stairs’ using a judo flip. However, that means it’s probably safer for me to stay in the basement all day washing and mending your underpants and those of Ms Hunter!
You know you love the judo flip … admit it.
Ms Olivia, I find it fascinating to watch a lady in action as she effortlessly judo-flips a large man over her shoulder to send him crashing to the ground. However, I’m a little less enthusiastic when I myself am the lady’s victim!!
laughs
Isn’t that always the way?
Now, good thing my judo flip of YOU doesn’t require any enthusiasm on your part … only wimpering as you go thud thud thud down the basement stairs.
Mrs. Olivia,
The more I read your posts, the more I realize how close your perspective is to mine. I love the occasional pain, I love the things you mention, your wisdom, mature perspective, masterful blog writing and podcast! Glad to see you on EE. Thank you for all you have contributed and in my perception of the topics.
Have a wonderful time!
Thank you so much m’dear — coming from you that means a lot to me.
I’ve felt the same way about you !!!
Like minds find one another, that’s for sure.
And you are lovely inside and out!
What a fantastic picture!
I am so delighted that you are into this and that I can share my newfound and still growing love of pain with you!
We’ve got tons of info for you about violet wands and electro play in an upcoming podcast! So, STAY TUNED and I’m so dammed happy to be on this exciting journey of exploration with you!
You are so OPEN and I love that!